-
Wondering/Wandering
Delaware was phenomenal. Incredible. Amazing. I could continue but you get the idea. Of course, I had already fallen in love with this school back in the fall. Back when the rain poured down on me and my dad as we ran through the streets of Newark. Oh, what a wet but wonderful day that was. But today? Today was in the seventies. That’s seventy degrees. The campus was alive and gorgeous and everything felt so right. And though those who know me will debate it like crazy, I am originally a shy person. But I found the courage to talk to some people, mostly current students. I like everything. EVERYTHING. This fall semester is going to be incredible.
On the drive home I started thinking of things I’d miss. I would love to sit here and tell you that I will miss my life as it is here and now - but thing is I don’t think I will. I think I want to miss it. I want to leave something behind - this great tragic story of a girl gone to college and leaving love and friendship in the dust. And God, don’t get me wrong…I have so much to lose when I move to Delaware. But even more to gain. I went to work immediately after returning from the decision day, and I was there for about eight hours. It was not one of my best shifts, tips wise or work wise. It was hard to keep my good mood going. And you know what? That scared the crap out of me. Completely.
It was like this sign, and as stupid as it is and no matter how many times people laugh at me, I believe in signs with a fucking passion. I had this wonderful and amazing day in Delaware and I came home and it just sucked. Sure, there were these fleeting nice moments but in between it was imperfections all over. And yeah, that’s how life is in general. But I feel like somebody’s trying to tell me that it’s okay to leave all this behind and, well, never look back.
You never know though. That’s the thing - the future holds such endless and open possibilities. And nothing is even close to perfect. Like today I waited on an older couple who were just incredible to talk to. I walked right up to them and right away I knew I would enjoy serving them more than the average customer.
Our conversation, paraphrased.
Me - “Hi, how are you?”
Older Man - “Nearly perfect.”
Me - “And why only ‘nearly’?”
Older Man - “Well I’ve been trying to get perfection for years, but I just can’t ever seem to reach it.”
Me - “Well you know what? I think perfection is totally overrated.”
Older Man and Wife nod.
Me - “Plus, it’s so much more fun to have things come out a little bit messy sometimes…except your food.”
Oh, I’m so corny and I know it. But that conversation hit me. I know tomorrow I could have the most amazing day of work and I won’t take it as a sign. Or Delaware could have been way less than perfect today and I still would be going. It’s just how life works. The best part is that we get to be in control. We get to decide our reactions to the mess ups.
We get to choose who we become because of them.
