Stupidity

I can still hear the whispering in my ears. The tones of encouragement, the assurances that I would eventually do the right thing. It all is stuck in my head and there seems to be no way out. The moment I did it I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. I felt strong and confident, I felt that I had finally done something for me. The responses were as expected. “It was something you had to do, no matter the result.” “I am so proud of you. You were so brave.” But there’s something I’ve realized since I took my leap of faith.

If you try to fly, you’re going to fall on the fucking pavement. And for that one second, yes, you are flying. Because you believed you could. But gravity comes crashing down and brings you into reality. And in all simplicity, it sucks.

I am going to go against everything I believe in and say that I wish I could take every word I wrote on that stupid card back. Because I’m sick of letting people walk all over me because I love them. Because if they loved me, they wouldn’t.

But…me? Love someone who could ever manage to love me back?
Nope. Because being miserable is a big part of who I am.

Later.

2 years ago  /  Notes